Why Partner Reparenting Undermines True Connection

Partner reparenting often occurs when we unconsciously seek our partner to fill the emotional void left by an unattuned or absent caregiver, but this disrupts the balance of healthy relationships.

Your partner is not your parent. 

This is such a tough one, because when you have never experienced the love of an attuned, caring parent it can feel like there is a void inside of you that can never be filled.

Positioning our partner as a parent disrupts the most attractive frequency of a partnership: true sovereignty. This means, ‘You are free to go; only stay if you desire to stay.

There is a lot written about ‘reparenting’ in CPTSD recovery literature. In the process of Unburdening Parts and Entities you are stewarding, there are times when you will need to guide Parts and Entities into a more mature, grounded place, or to offer them an alternative perspective to what they sense and feel. In CPTSD Medicine, this kind of Parts Work mostly falls under the “Updating” phase of Unburdening. 

Often when we want our partner to emotionally validate us it means we are running disempowered energy that is not adequately accessing Self Energy or Divinely-Sourced Energy running through the all important Discernment Energy Center (name in Human Design G Center). This is especially true if you have Gate 13 active in the Discernment Energy Center or as one of your Gene Keys in the Activation Sequence. 

Or when we want them to take over or fix something for us, we have not supported ourselves practically to accomplish what we need to accomplish, or there is some fear that we are not being honest about, and we are looking for an excuse why something will not be successful. The energetic dynamics of the relationship will always feel misaligned. Recognizing and releasing partner reparenting patterns creates space for Self Energy and Universal Love to fuel your healing and partnership.

Truly, sovereignty—’You are free to go; only stay if you desire to stay’—is the only partnership frequency that will offer long-term attractiveness to both partners.

When there is external or internal pressure to stay instead of Desire-based, or Self-Energy fueled devotion to the relationship, the energetics of the relationship will always feel off. One, or both, partner will sense resentment. This is not a free will choice context for a relationship. 

If as you Resolve your CPTSD you can “pull all your energy back” from your partner, and learn to tend to your internal system independently, you will have dramatically improved the context of your relationship. 

By recognizing and releasing the patterns of partner reparenting, you create space for Self Energy and Universal Love to fuel both your healing and your partnership.