CPTSD Medicine Blog

Partner reparenting often occurs when we unconsciously seek our partner to fill the emotional void left by an unattuned or absent caregiver, but this disrupts the balance of healthy relationships.

Your partner is not your parent. 

This is such a tough one, because when you have never experienced the love of an attuned, caring parent it can feel like there is a void inside of you that can never be filled.

Positioning our partner as a parent disrupts the most attractive frequency of a partnership: true sovereignty. This means, ‘You are free to go; only stay if you desire to stay.

There is a lot written about ‘reparenting’ in CPTSD recovery literature. In the process of Unburdening Parts and Entities you are stewarding, there are times when you will need to guide Parts and Entities into a more mature, grounded place, or to offer them an alternative perspective to what they sense and feel. In CPTSD Medicine, this kind of Parts Work mostly falls under the “Updating” phase of Unburdening. 

Often when we want our partner to emotionally validate us it means we are running disempowered energy that is not adequately accessing Self Energy or Divinely-Sourced Energy running through the all important Discernment Energy Center (name in Human Design G Center). This is especially true if you have Gate 13 active in the Discernment Energy Center or as one of your Gene Keys in the Activation Sequence. 

Or when we want them to take over or fix something for us, we have not supported ourselves practically to accomplish what we need to accomplish, or there is some fear that we are not being honest about, and we are looking for an excuse why something will not be successful. The energetic dynamics of the relationship will always feel misaligned. Recognizing and releasing partner reparenting patterns creates space for Self Energy and Universal Love to fuel your healing and partnership.

Truly, sovereignty—’You are free to go; only stay if you desire to stay’—is the only partnership frequency that will offer long-term attractiveness to both partners.

When there is external or internal pressure to stay instead of Desire-based, or Self-Energy fueled devotion to the relationship, the energetics of the relationship will always feel off. One, or both, partner will sense resentment. This is not a free will choice context for a relationship. 

If as you Resolve your CPTSD you can “pull all your energy back” from your partner, and learn to tend to your internal system independently, you will have dramatically improved the context of your relationship. 

By recognizing and releasing the patterns of partner reparenting, you create space for Self Energy and Universal Love to fuel both your healing and your partnership.

Do you make fear-based decisions on the daily?

When you are living with Unresolved CPTSD you are often also living in fear. Fear that your partner will leave you. Fear that you will become penniless without a job. Fear that you are a fool, an evil person, or worthless. Fear that you are fat and lazy.

When we are making life decisions out of fear, those decisions are likely something that is going to need to be unwound or undone in the future. 

It is a very exhausting way to live, because everything often needs a ‘redo’ or repair. We are constantly fixing or correcting our original decisions. 

Notice, I did not say “mistake.” Because I don’t believe these fear-based decisions are mistakes. They can be powerful data sources for identifying the nature of the fear that your internal system is running. If you have frameworks for analyzing your decision-making patterns, you can distill powerful lessons. These lessons fuel the Unburdening of trauma energies.

When trauma energies are released in your internal system you have more access to Self Energy. When we are making Self-Energy-fueled decisions, we are trusting more, embodying more patience, and often can see things more clearly. With this new evidence that we can make wise decisions, we are no longer beholden to fear, and it becomes easier to show up in love.

When we approach life with love, everything unfolds naturally with grace and mercy. This is where all the laws of attraction make sense. 

And yet, it takes a lot of courage to change. Many Parts of us are terrified to begin real-deal healing. At some deep level, your internal system and external ecosystem know that things cannot stay the same with your healing. Some tough conversations may be ahead. You will have to feel your feelings and that will be extremely uncomfortable at times. Your lifestyle might need to shift, and the bad habits you have justified will require examination. It can feel like a lot at first.

All that is required is that you take one small baby step a day to build enough trust in your internal system to begin a holistic, comprehensive healing sabbatical. During these two years, you will make your CPTSD Resolution a top three priority. On the Other Side, you can then make up for lost time.