CPTSD Medicine Blog

For many of us, a diagnosis was supposed to be the beginning of healing. An explanation. A way forward.

But what if it was never the full truth?

What if the symptoms you’ve been labeled with are not disorders at all—but survival codes?

What if the patterns you’ve been trying to fix… were never broken to begin with?

The System Needed a Label—But the Label Was Never the Whole Truth

In traditional mental health models, symptoms are categorized, named, and treated as isolated conditions.

But trauma does not exist in isolation. It is a system, a pattern, a lineage. It shapes how we think, feel, react, and relate. It embeds itself so deeply into our nervous system that, over time, it begins to feel like our personality.

CPTSD is often mistaken for something it is not.

Let’s take a look at how trauma masquerades as mental illness—and what may actually be happening beneath the surface:

Bipolar Disorder

What the System Calls It: Sudden, extreme shifts in mood and energy levels.

What May Actually Be Happening: Parts of you employing different strategies to stay safe—trauma-coded shifts between hyper-vigilance and collapse.

Borderline Personality Disorder

What the System Calls It: Intense emotional reactivity, fear of abandonment, unstable relationships.

What May Actually Be Happening: Parts of you stuck in attachment terror, driven by inherited survival-based reactivity.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder

What the System Calls It: Persistent, excessive worry that feels uncontrollable.

What May Actually Be Happening: Parts of you trapped in a past where your calls for help went unanswered, resulting in a hyperactive, non-present-moment-based threat detection system.

Major Depressive Disorder

What the System Calls It: Persistent sadness, loss of motivation, feelings of worthlessness.

What May Actually Be Happening:

• A body stuck in collapse after years of hyper-vigilance.
• An absorbed Entity ready to go off and die after multiple lifetimes of exhaustion.
• A survival response to deep-seated powerlessness and grief.

For so many of us, a diagnosis felt like the end of the road. But what if it’s just the beginning?

Beyond the Label: The Work of Unburdening Trauma Energies

Healing is not just about managing symptoms. It is about unburdening the trauma energies that have been running your system—replacing them with Self Energy and Divinely-Sourced Energy.

At CPTSD Medicine, we do not just name the patterns. We work at the root.

We do not just ask, “How do we treat this?”
We ask, “What was lost, and how do we restore it?”

This is not treatment.
This is liberation.

You do not need to spend a lifetime managing what was never meant to be yours. You are not broken. You are a survivor of something enormous. And that means you have a choice:

To keep fighting yourself…
Or to finally free yourself.

Are You Ready for Something More?

CPTSD Medicine offers a structured healing path that is unlike anything in the traditional mental health model. If this speaks to you, I invite you to explore the work:

🔹 Learn More About The Medicine
🔹 Join a Live Experience
🔹 Work With Me

Healing is not about becoming a “better” version of yourself.
It is about becoming the person you were always meant to be—before survival took over.

Healing is not always loud. Sometimes, it moves through you in quiet, subtle shifts—whispers of transformation before they become roars of change.

In CPTSD Medicine, the unburdening process is not just about understanding trauma; it is about releasing the trauma agreements you never chose. These agreements—formed in survival—once kept you safe but no longer serve who you are becoming.

Here are the key signals that reveal you are breaking free:

1. You Feel Less Reactive and More Present

Situations that once triggered intense emotional distress no longer consume you.
Instead of reacting impulsively, you pause, breathe, and choose your response intentionally.

2. Your Body Releases Long-Held Tension

Chronic tightness, constriction, or pain begins to ease without explanation.
You notice spontaneous sighs, deep breaths, or posture shifts that feel like relief.

3. Emotional Waves Come—Then Clarity

You may experience sudden grief, sadness, or even anger as old energies surface.
But afterward, you feel lighter—as though you have completed something profound.

4. You No Longer Absorb Other Human’s Trauma Energies

You recognize where you were carrying pain that was never yours.
You begin setting boundaries without guilt and choosing when and how to merge with others.

5. Relational Loops Begin to Close

You feel less drawn to humans who once triggered unhealthy cycles.
You stop seeking closure from others and instead find peace within.

6. Your Relationship with Fear Changes

Fear no longer dictates your choices—you see it as information, not a command.
You begin trusting yourself more deeply, even in uncertainty.

7. Your Self-Concept Evolves

You feel a shift from fragmentation to wholeness—less defined by trauma, more anchored in Self.
You no longer identify with victimhood but step into Self Leadership.

8. You Experience More Pleasure and Play

Laughter, creativity, and joy start to re-emerge naturally.
You allow yourself to celebrate and receive beauty without guilt.

9. Your Energy Feels More Stable and Grounded

You shift from survival mode to deep inner safety.
Moments of stillness and peace become more frequent, even amidst challenges.

10. You Recognize Your Choices as Sacred

You no longer feel trapped in old patterns—you see options where before there were none.
You honor your right to choose what serves you and release what does not.

You Are Already Becoming Free

These signals are not just signs of healing—they are proof of transformation.

Each one represents a step toward breaking cycles, reclaiming your energy, and stepping into a life of clarity, trust, and deep alignment.

You may think your relationship struggles stem from communication issues, mismatched personalities, or even the stresses of daily life. But often, the root cause runs much, much deeper—hidden beneath the surface of your conscious awareness. It is not just about what is happening in your relationships; it is about why it keeps happening.

Unhealed trauma does not always show up as obvious emotional flashbacks or anxiety attacks. Sometimes, it disguises itself as normal behaviors, patterns you have lived with for so long they feel like part of your personality. But these patterns are not who you are—they are unprocessed trauma energies running the show.

1. The Need to Feel “Safe” by Controlling Everything
When trauma goes unhealed, Parts of you are stuck in survival mode, scanning for threats in your relationships, even the closest ones, and yes, even when none exist. These Parts’ use the need to control your environment, your partner, and even your emotions to feel safe, and you may not even be consciously aware that you have these Parts using these strategies. You might find yourself micromanaging conversations, overthinking texts, or trying to “fix” every disagreement immediately.

But here is the truth: control is not the same as safety. The more we grip, the more distant true connection feels.

2. Emotional Numbing Disguised as “Being Easy-Going”
You may think you are just “chill” or “go with the flow,” but sometimes this is a Part of us emotional numbing us. If expressing your needs felt unsafe in childhood, this Part might have learned to suppress your feelings to avoid conflict. Over time, this becomes second nature.

The result? Shallow connections, unspoken resentments, and relationships where you feel unseen—not because others do not care, but because you have not shown them your full True Self.

3. Hyper-Independence Masquerading as Strength
“I do not need anyone.”
This belief often feels like a badge of honor, but it can be a Part of you with a intense defense mechanism rooted in trauma. If vulnerability led to pain or betrayal in the past, self-reliance becomes the armor this Part of you created to stay safe. The problem is, armor keeps out not just the hurt—but also the love.

Healthy relationships thrive on interdependence: the courage to lean in, not just stand alone.

4. Attachment Anxiety Hidden as “Passion” or “Romantic Intensity”
The rollercoaster of intense highs and crushing lows in relationships can feel like passion. But often, it is unresolved attachment trauma playing out. The fear of abandonment triggers Parts of you cycling through clinging, pushing away, and seeking reassurance.

Real love feels steady, not like an emotional emergency.

5. Conflict Avoidance Framed as Being “The Peacemaker”
If you grew up in an environment where conflict was chaotic or dangerous, you might have a Part of you that avoids it at all costs. You pride yourself on being the calm one, the mediator. But avoiding conflict does not prevent disconnection—it creates it.

Unspoken truths become walls, and relationships suffocate under the weight of what is left unsaid.

The Bright Side: Trauma Is Not Your Identity
These patterns are not who you are. They are Parts of you that took over so that you could survive your childhood. Over time, these Parts seem like they are who you became to survive.

When trauma energies are unburdened, the space left behind is filled with something rare: clarity without fear, connection without control.

• You communicate because you want to, not because you fear losing someone.
• You set boundaries without guilt, because your worth no longer depends on pleasing others.
• You feel at home in your body, in your relationships, and in your life.

You are not broken. You are burdened with trauma energies. And those trauma energies buried in the burdens can be released from your Mind, Body, and Heart.

Ready to explore what relationships can feel like beyond survival mode?
Join me for a healing sabbatical, where healing is not just about understanding trauma—it is about unburdening it, so you can experience love without fear.

Regret-free decision making is possible, even if fear, doubt, or past trauma have left you feeling stuck or uncertain about your choices.

Decision-making can feel overwhelming, especially when you’re carrying the weight of complex trauma. The fear of making the “wrong” choice or regretting your decision later can leave you stuck in a cycle of doubt and paralysis. But what if it were possible to make decisions with clarity, confidence, and a sense of peace—free from the fear of regret?

Regret-free decision making isn’t about getting it “right” every time. It’s about creating the internal conditions that allow you to trust yourself, no matter the outcome. Here’s how to shift from indecision and fear into empowered action, all while honoring your healing journey.

Why Decisions Feel So Overwhelming for Humans with Complex Trauma
Carrying the burden of unresolved complex trauma often teaches us to second-guess ourselves. When you’ve grown up in environments where your needs, feelings, or intuition weren’t validated, or even doubted or mocked, it’s easy to lose trust in your inner authority. Instead of approaching decisions with clarity and confidence, you may find yourself:

• Overthinking every possible outcome to avoid any possible negative emotion.
• Looking to others for answers rather than trusting your own judgment.
• Feeling paralyzed by the fear of making a mistake.

These patterns of not trusting yourself aren’t a sign of failure or weakness, or that you’ll never heal; they’re a protective response from Parts of you that are trying to keep you safe. But when the burden of these Parts goes unaddressed, you can remain stuck, disconnected from your Self Energy, and the native wisdom and resilience that makes brave, aligned decision-making possible.

The Foundation of Regret-Free Decision Making

Regret-free decision making isn’t about eliminating fear or doubt. It’s about creating the conditions where your decisions come from a place of Self energy rather than from trauma-driven Parts. Here are the key foundations:

1. Unburden Trauma Energies Before Deciding: When unresolved trauma energies are running through your Information Processing Centers and your Energy Centers (ultimately) driving your choices, decisions often come from a place of reactivity to fear rather than Self Energetic clarity. Taking the time to heal first allows you to approach decisions with a calm and centered perspective.
2. Listening to Your Inner Wisdom: Rebuilding trust in your intuition means quieting the noise of external opinions and reconnecting with your own inner knowing.
3. Slowing Down: Decision-making isn’t a race. Slowing down gives you the space to process your emotions, assess your options, and make choices aligned with your values and goals.

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Steps to Regret-Free Decision Making

1. Pause and Ground Yourself
   Before making a decision, slow down to pause. Turn inward. Notice the emotions and energy that is present in your body. Are they rooted in fear, shame, or urgency? These are signs that trauma-driven Parts may be taking the lead. Use grounding practices like breathwork, Wisdom Keeping, or vocalizations, or movement to let the wisdom that is here be experienced directly by you.
2. Acknowledge and Soothe Your Parts
   When fear or doubt arises, it’s often because Parts of you are carrying burdens of past pain. Take a moment to notice these Parts with compassion. You might say, “I see you’re worried about making a mistake. I’m here to listen.” This simple act can help calm the intensity of their voices. Witness and validate what is coming up for Parts of you.
3. Get Curious About Your Needs
   Ask yourself: What do I need right now to feel safe, supported, and clear? This could be more information, a conversation with a trusted friend, or simply more time to process. The decision might not be ready to be made, or maybe it is. Giving yourself choices is your first act of reclaiming your inner authority.
4. Reflect on Your Values
   Instead of focusing on the “right” choice, consider which option aligns most with your core values and long-term goals. This shift helps you make decisions that feel authentic and grounded.
5. Take Small, Aligned Steps
   If a decision feels overwhelming, break it down into smaller steps. Each step can provide clarity and confidence, helping you move forward without feeling paralyzed.

How to Trust the Outcomes

Regret-free decision making doesn’t mean every choice will lead to a perfect outcome. It means trusting that, regardless of the result, you can navigate what comes next. You will be okay no matter what. Here’s how to build that trust:

• Embrace Mistakes as Growth: Every decision teaches you something. Even mistakes can offer valuable insights and opportunities for healing.
• Practice Self-Compassion: When doubt or regret creeps in, meet yourself with kindness. Remind yourself that you made the best choice you could with the information and resources you had at the time.
• Stay Open to Course Correction: Decisions aren’t always final. If a choice doesn’t work out, trust that you have the power to adjust and pivot as needed.

A Final Thought

For those healing from complex trauma, decision-making is about more than choosing between options. It’s about reclaiming trust in yourself, unburdening the Parts of you that carry fear and doubt, and leading from a place of Self energy.

When you heal first, you’re not just making decisions; you’re stepping into a life guided by clarity, courage, and confidence. And that is a decision you’ll never regret.

If you’re reading this and feeling maxed out by work and hustle, dreaming of more unstructured time at home to invest in your future freedom, consider taking a healing sabbatical with CPTSD Medicine. It’s an invitation to step back, heal deeply, and build a life aligned with your values. Learn more about how this transformative experience could support your journey during a no-pressure information session. You can register to attend here.

Emotional disconnection in a marriage can feel like standing on opposite sides of an unbridgeable gap. The loneliness, frustration, and confusion that come with it often leave you wondering, Is it me? Is it them? Is this relationship salvageable? What am I doing? What should I do?

But what if the experience of disconnection wasn’t just a signal of what’s wrong in your marriage, but also an invitation to turn inward—to begin cultivating a trust within yourself that creates clarity, empowerment, and even the possibility of reconnection to something more profound and steady than ever?

Recognize the Mirror

Emotional disconnection often reflects something deeper happening within us. It’s easy to point to your partner’s actions (or inactions) as the source of the problem, but disconnection is also an opportunity to ask yourself:

• Where do Parts of me feel unseen or unheard within myself?
• What Part of me doesn’t feel safe to fully show up here?
• Is there a silencing Part that isn’t allowing other Parts to speak their truth?

This isn’t about self-blame; it’s about self-awareness. The more you understand your internal world, the more grounded you become in your interactions with others.

Turn Toward Your Parts

When emotional disconnection surfaces, Parts of you might begin broadcasting beliefs they picked up from the messaging you received in childhood like:

• “I’m not good enough.”
• “I’m always too much.”
• “I’m unlovable.”

These Parts often feel overwhelming because they’ve been carrying these burdens for a long. long time. Instead of pushing them away, try turning toward them with curiosity and compassion.

Ask:

• What are you trying to protect me from?
• What do you need from me right now?
• What can you show me or tell me about what is happening right now?

This practice begins to rebuild internal trust—a belief that you can be with yourself, no matter how hard the emotions are, or how scary the interpretations of your worthiness as a human are. You can use these moments in your real life as the site for powerful unburdening work.

Reframe Disconnection as Data
Instead of seeing emotional disconnection as a sign of failure, consider it a source of valuable information. Ask yourself:

• What am I needing in this moment?
• Where can I offer that to myself first?

For example, if you’re longing for your partner to listen, practice listening to your own emotions and needs first. If you want to feel valued, start by valuing yourself in small, tangible ways. Offer yourself what you need first internally, and then see what happens externally.

When we make demands on those we love to care for our Parts, it can be exhausting for our partners, our children, our friends and family. Offer comfort and soothing internally first, and then we can often receive connection externally more directly and cleanly.

Use Internal Trust to Decide What’s Next

When you begin to cultivate internal trust, something powerful happens: You no longer look to your partner (or anyone else) to validate your worth or guide your decisions. Instead, you develop the clarity and groundedness to decide what’s best for you—and for your relationship—without fear of regret.

This doesn’t mean the relationship will always improve or that you won’t face hard choices. But it does mean you’ll be making those choices from a place of self-trust rather than reactivity.

Emotional disconnection doesn’t have to be the end of your story. It can be the beginning of a deeper relationship with yourself—a foundation of trust that empowers you to navigate your relationship, and your life, with clarity and confidence.

When faced with the decision about divorce, it can feel like one of the most overwhelming and confusing experiences of your life. I know I have been there, twice, actually.

When we reach that crossroads in our marriage—the moment where staying together feels as impossible as leaving—it can be one of the most overwhelming and confusing experiences of our lives. You can feel utterly alone and desperate.

Sitting in the discomfort of that moment can feel unbearable, yet rushing through it often leads to regret. So how do we make this decision with clarity, courage, and compassion?

Here’s what I’ve learned from both personal experience and guiding others through similar journeys:

The First Step: Acknowledge the Storm

When we’re grappling with the decision to divorce, we’re often caught in a storm of emotions: fear, anger, grief, hope, and despair. These emotions can cloud our judgment and make it feel impossible to find clarity. The first step is to pause and acknowledge that storm without rushing to fix it. This pause is not about staying stuck; it’s about creating space to breathe, to reflect, and to begin untangling the threads of what brought us here. Come back into your body and really feel into what is present for you.

The Next Step: Shift from Survival to Leadership

For many of us, especially those of us navigating unresolved complex trauma, our default response to conflict and uncertainty is survival mode. We react, we avoid, or we try to please others to keep the peace. But making a decision about divorce requires stepping out of survival mode and into leadership. Leadership in this context means aligning with your deeper truth and taking responsibility for your part in creating a path forward—whether that’s together or apart.

Asking the Right Questions

One of the most important shifts I made was learning to ask better questions. Instead of focusing on what my partner was doing or not doing, I turned inward:

• Am I living in alignment with my values in this marriage?
• Is staying together allowing both of us to grow, or are we holding each other back?
• What kind of environment am I modeling for my children? Would I want this for them?
• Do I have the resources—internally and externally—to navigate this process with integrity?

These questions aren’t easy to answer, but they’re necessary. They help us move beyond blame and into self-awareness, which is where true clarity begins.

Honoring the Complexity of the Decision

Divorce is rarely a decision with a clear “right” or “wrong” answer. It’s a decision that involves multiple layers of complexity: emotional, financial, social, and even spiritual. Recognizing this can help us approach the decision with more compassion—for ourselves and our partners.

Taking the Third Option: A Healing Sabbatical

One of the most powerful shifts I made in my journey was choosing not to decide right away. Instead, I took a “healing sabbatical,” a structured period of time dedicated to focusing on my own healing and growth. During this time, I stepped back from the marriage without stepping into divorce. This allowed me to work through my own patterns, reconnect with my inner truth, and make the decision from a place of clarity and strength rather than fear and reactivity.

The Role of Support

Navigating this decision is not something we’re meant to do alone. Whether it’s a trusted mentor, a therapist, or a community of others who’ve been there, surrounding yourself with support can make all the difference. It’s not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of courage to seek guidance and allow others to hold space for you as you navigate this path.

The Outcome: A Decision Rooted in Truth

The goal isn’t to rush to a decision; it’s to reach a point where the decision feels aligned with your deepest truth. Whether that means working together to rebuild the relationship or choosing to part ways, you can move forward knowing that you’ve made the choice with integrity, clarity, and love.

Final Thoughts

Making a decision about divorce is one of the hardest things we can face, but it’s also an opportunity for profound transformation. It’s a chance to step into greater alignment with your values, to model healthy choices for your children, and to create a life that feels authentic and fulfilling. No matter what you choose, know that you’re not alone and that there is a path forward—one step at a time.

Feeling stuck deciding whether to stay or leave?

I felt so incredibly lonely and isolated when I was deciding whether to stay or leave my first marriage. It seemed like there was no one I could really talk to about this decision. Sure, I could complain, vent, and seek validation for how miserable I felt, but no one seemed to offer guidance that opened up a pathway for the kind of deep, transformative work I truly needed.

The advice I received was surface-level at best: Go on a date night. Set aside time each day for intimacy building. Respect each other’s parenting styles.

Now, looking back, I can see that advice never had a chance against the overwhelming power of unhealed trauma.

We weren’t just a struggling couple; we were two traumatized kids living in adult bodies who desperately needed healing journeys of our own.

Deciding whether to stay or go in your marriage is one of the hardest choices you will ever make.

When I was in that space, I felt raw, stuck, and completely overwhelmed by the weight of it all. But looking back, there are truths I wish someone had told me—truths that could have helped me navigate that decision with more clarity and compassion.

I share them with you here, as a fellow CycleBreaker.

1. Misunderstandings stemmed from trauma, not hatred.
   We weren’t hateful or bad people; we were deeply triggered. Trauma had put one or both of us into shut-down mode, making it impossible to truly see each other or the reality around us.
2. Feelings of neglect were rooted in my own wounds.
   The sense of being unseen and unloved came from younger parts of me frozen in the past, carrying unmet needs that my husband could never fulfill. That healing had to come from me.
3. Parenting disagreements were about power, not parenting.
   Our conflicts over how to raise our children weren’t really about them. They were about our own fears—fears of making mistakes, of losing control, and of not being “enough” as parents.
4. Parallel lives were a shield against vulnerability.
   Living side by side but never truly connecting felt safe. It allowed us to avoid the hard work of intimacy and vulnerability, but it also kept us from building a meaningful connection.
5. Our values were shaped by survival mode.
   We chose each other while we were both in survival mode. Our values didn’t always align, but I had a choice: to focus on the differences or to find the overlap.

These truths were impossible for me to uncover while I was in the thick of it. It was only after I began my healing journey that I started to understand what was really at play in my marriage: trauma energies, survival responses, and patterns rooted in unhealed wounds.

As a CycleBreaker, I’ve learned that healing is not just for you—it’s for every relationship in your life. Healing gives you the clarity and strength to shift from reacting out of trauma to responding from your Self Energy.

If someone had told me these truths back then, things might have unfolded very differently.

This is why I share them with you now—so you can begin your healing journey with the insight, compassion, and courage needed to break the cycle.

Big fights with your partner can leave you feeling raw, disconnected, and unsure of how to move forward. In those moments, it’s tempting to jump into problem-solving mode or retreat entirely. But neither of these responses usually leads to clarity or healing.

Instead, I want to introduce you to a different approach: turning inward first. Using a combination of Parts Work (from Internal Family Systems) and Elemental Medicine, you can create space to process, reconnect, and reorient yourself before addressing the conflict. Here’s how:

1. Pause and Ground (Earth Element)

Before doing anything, take a moment to pause. Feel your feet on the ground. Breathe deeply into your belly. This is about reconnecting to your body and grounding yourself in the present moment.

The Earth element reminds us of stability and support. Ask yourself: What do I need right now to feel a little more steady? How can I come back home to myself right now?

I love to imagine pulling all of my energy back into my body and remembering that the Earth has us. We don’t need to struggle so much to stay afloat or steady. Just lay down on the ground or put your forehead to the floor. The Earth is here, always supporting you. Ground down into the rooted resonance of the Earth.

2. Meet Your Parts with Confidence (Air Element)

After grounding, turn your attention inward and notice the Parts of you that are most activated. Who is speaking the loudest inside right now?

• Is there an angry part replaying the argument?
• Is there a hurt part feeling unseen or unloved?
• Is there a protective part wanting to retreat or lash out?

The Air element invites clarity and confidence. Instead of judging these parts, simply notice them. Practice holding their big emotions without creating a story. Ask: What is this part trying to tell me? or What does this part need right now? By listening and tolerating the discomfort of the negative emotions without turning away or numbing them, you create space for understanding rather than reacting.

3. Rekindle Your Inner Fire (Fire Element)

After grounding, gaining clarity, and holding your emotions with confidence, it’s time to reconnect with your power. The Fire element is about reclaiming your energy and direction to complete things and bring closure to things of the past that are haunting you.

Ask yourself: What do I need to feel empowered right now? This might be as simple as moving your body, speaking a truth to yourself, or creating an intention for how you want to approach the next conversation with your partner.

Fire reminds you that you are not powerless in the face of conflict. You have the ability to respond with intention rather than reaction. You have the drive and creativity to know how to move with power even in a trauma ecosystem with trauma energies within and around you.

4. Soothe Your Emotional Body (Water Element)

Big fights can stir up a storm of emotions. After listening to your parts, tend to your emotional body. The Water element encourages flow and release.

• Cry if you need to.
• Take a warm bath or splash cool water on your face.
• Wisdom Keep about how the Self Energies of connectedness and compassion may meet you here and help you move to the other side of this.
• Let everything move through you.

Ask yourself: How can I help my emotions flow rather than stay stuck? This step isn’t about “fixing” your feelings but allowing them to be expressed, witnessed, and validated.

5. Anchor in Your Inner Wisdom (Quintessence Element)

Finally, connect with the inner core of you that holds the deepest wisdom—your Inner Authority. The Quintessence element reminds us that we are more than our Parts and that we hold the capacity to be everything all at once without having to pick and choose. There is no beginning or end. We are simply Love.

Ask yourself: From this place of groundedness, clarity, and emotional balance, what is the next right step for me? Whether it’s reaching out to your partner or simply giving yourself more time to process, let your next action come from this anchored space.

Why This Approach Matters

Rushing to “fix” a fight often bypasses the essential step of reconnecting with yourself. By using Parts Work and Elemental Medicine, you address the root of what’s happening internally before trying to address the external conflict. This leads to greater clarity, emotional balance, and a stronger foundation for reconnecting with your partner.

The next time you have a big fight, try this process. Turning inward first can transform how you move forward—with yourself and your relationship.

If you have ever found yourself wondering is your marriage struggles are related to trauma? Or why your marriage feels so hard—heavy, disconnected, and exhausting—I get it.

You are not alone.

I started CPTSD Medicine with a podcast literally called that: Marriage Is Hard.

Marriage, or any type of intimate partnership, can feel incredibly hard when deeper dynamics are at play, and it is not always clear how to break free from the cycle of hurt and frustration. This is especially true because mainstream marriage advice is not translated into a “with unresolved complex trauma” version.

When there are Parts of you from your childhood that are stuck in a time and space when your emotional needs were unseen and unmet, that well of unmet need travels forward in time and lands right in the middle of your marriage.

Your marriage struggles are not just about what is happening in the present moment with your partner. It is about decades of past abandonment wounding and rejection suffering, paired with the frustration of the present moment.

The tension you feel in your marriage originates in patterns you carry from your own past, even before your marriage began.

Unhealed trauma can show up in the form of heightened sensitivity, defensiveness, or shutting down. These reactions aren’t your fault, but they can make it hard to feel safe and connected in a marriage. Your marriage struggles are amplified by your unhealed trauma.

Here’s where many humans make a mistake. Because their marriage feels so awful, they go straight away into trying to fix it or decide about it.

Yet, when emotional flashbacks are looping us back to the past and taking us away from the reality of the present moment, we are unable to see the reality of our partners or our relationship as it truly is.

You are well-served by learning how to unblend from wounded younger Parts of you and unburden those Parts of Hurt Victim Energy before you attempt to problem-solve with a partner or even engage in couples therapy.

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Here are three quick tips for unblending:

1. Use your breath to turn inward and see what is happening internally. Do you notice that memories of the past are flashing in your mind’s eye? Gently ask your Parts, “What is it about these memories that are relevant to what is happening right now?” Open your heart and let them show you and tell you.
2. Notice how you are looping back through the past even though you are in the present moment. This recognition is a pathway to healing. Do not try to let go of the past, but rather see if you can provide an update to the Parts that validates their experience as being stuck in the past, while showing them that you have in fact grown up.
3. See if they are willing to come join you in the present moment so that you can continue to update them.

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When you are ready, you can unburden these Parts so that they are no longer trapped in the past. But this begins with the three steps above.

As you work with this, you will likely discover that working on your marriage should come after you go on a healing journey. Healing yourself first isn’t selfish; it is necessary to see your relationship and your partner clearly. If you are running Hurt Victim Energy and looping back through the past, your relationship is not being given a fair chance to reveal what it is truly about.

Once we understand we have CPTSD, many of us want to know how to achieve efficient progress in CPTSD Resolution next. 

In CPTSD Medicine, we use the term CPTSD Resolution to communicate that something has completed, closed, ended. “Having CPTSD” is something you no longer identify with. You had CPTSD and now you do not. 

As I look back at my four years of guiding CPTSD Resolution, personally and professionally, there is one key factor that influences how efficient a CPTSD Resolution process will be: Intervention Potency.

These are things you can consider as you invest in and plan for your own CPTSD Resolution journey. 

In CPTSD Medicine, our community average is about two years of making CPTSD Resolution a top-three priority until a system is unburdened almost fully and there is a final stage of refinement through embodiment and energetic cleansing and resetting. 

In intervention science, one of the guiding principles is matching the strength of the effect with the potency of the intervention. Strong, enduring effects require equally strong, holistic interventions to create meaningful change in desired outcomes.

CPTSD has comprehensive effects on one’s life—affecting relationships, career, and overall well-being. 

Any intervention aimed at resolving CPTSD must be as all-encompassing as the challenges it addresses.

This is why I often ask prospective clients, “Can you make your CPTSD resolution a top-three priority?” Without this level of commitment, lasting transformation becomes elusive.

Beyond symptom reduction, CPTSD offers a unique gift: the opportunity to dedicate yourself to a profound journey of personal development. Think of it as your own healing sabbatical, where the investment pays dividends for a lifetime.

It is worth sacrificing vacations, home remodels, and even delaying retirement savings, because the truth is if you are running Trauma Energies in your Information Processing Centers and your Energy Centers, you are not going to enjoy that vacation, your home will not be peaceful, and you will not relax into a Golden Era of retirement. 

Nothing truly matters more than resolving your CPTSD

The intensive apprenticeship model of studying CPTSD Medicine has always just made so much sense to me. I am a former tenured associate professor at a research university, and so I know how powerful apprenticeship and mentorship are as models for growth and development. 

In this sense, I am proud to claim how special CPTSD Medicine is. 

We have adapted the researcher and scientific training model to the mental health treatment paradigm. 

We are training humans to be their own best intervention scientist. In equipping humans with the skills they need to help themselves, we are working at the root cause of CPTSD, running disempowered trauma energies. 

A potent intervention for CPTSD must include a robust empowerment mechanism. Without it, Self Belief and Trust are not likely to be restored and these are two of the most fundamental aspects of CPTSD Resolution.