CPTSD Medicine Blog

Partner reparenting often occurs when we unconsciously seek our partner to fill the emotional void left by an unattuned or absent caregiver, but this disrupts the balance of healthy relationships.

Your partner is not your parent. 

This is such a tough one, because when you have never experienced the love of an attuned, caring parent it can feel like there is a void inside of you that can never be filled.

Positioning our partner as a parent disrupts the most attractive frequency of a partnership: true sovereignty. This means, ‘You are free to go; only stay if you desire to stay.

There is a lot written about ‘reparenting’ in CPTSD recovery literature. In the process of Unburdening Parts and Entities you are stewarding, there are times when you will need to guide Parts and Entities into a more mature, grounded place, or to offer them an alternative perspective to what they sense and feel. In CPTSD Medicine, this kind of Parts Work mostly falls under the “Updating” phase of Unburdening. 

Often when we want our partner to emotionally validate us it means we are running disempowered energy that is not adequately accessing Self Energy or Divinely-Sourced Energy running through the all important Discernment Energy Center (name in Human Design G Center). This is especially true if you have Gate 13 active in the Discernment Energy Center or as one of your Gene Keys in the Activation Sequence. 

Or when we want them to take over or fix something for us, we have not supported ourselves practically to accomplish what we need to accomplish, or there is some fear that we are not being honest about, and we are looking for an excuse why something will not be successful. The energetic dynamics of the relationship will always feel misaligned. Recognizing and releasing partner reparenting patterns creates space for Self Energy and Universal Love to fuel your healing and partnership.

Truly, sovereignty—’You are free to go; only stay if you desire to stay’—is the only partnership frequency that will offer long-term attractiveness to both partners.

When there is external or internal pressure to stay instead of Desire-based, or Self-Energy fueled devotion to the relationship, the energetics of the relationship will always feel off. One, or both, partner will sense resentment. This is not a free will choice context for a relationship. 

If as you Resolve your CPTSD you can “pull all your energy back” from your partner, and learn to tend to your internal system independently, you will have dramatically improved the context of your relationship. 

By recognizing and releasing the patterns of partner reparenting, you create space for Self Energy and Universal Love to fuel both your healing and your partnership.

Do you make fear-based decisions on the daily?

When you are living with Unresolved CPTSD you are often also living in fear. Fear that your partner will leave you. Fear that you will become penniless without a job. Fear that you are a fool, an evil person, or worthless. Fear that you are fat and lazy.

When we are making life decisions out of fear, those decisions are likely something that is going to need to be unwound or undone in the future. 

It is a very exhausting way to live, because everything often needs a ‘redo’ or repair. We are constantly fixing or correcting our original decisions. 

Notice, I did not say “mistake.” Because I don’t believe these fear-based decisions are mistakes. They can be powerful data sources for identifying the nature of the fear that your internal system is running. If you have frameworks for analyzing your decision-making patterns, you can distill powerful lessons. These lessons fuel the Unburdening of trauma energies.

When trauma energies are released in your internal system you have more access to Self Energy. When we are making Self-Energy-fueled decisions, we are trusting more, embodying more patience, and often can see things more clearly. With this new evidence that we can make wise decisions, we are no longer beholden to fear, and it becomes easier to show up in love.

When we approach life with love, everything unfolds naturally with grace and mercy. This is where all the laws of attraction make sense. 

And yet, it takes a lot of courage to change. Many Parts of us are terrified to begin real-deal healing. At some deep level, your internal system and external ecosystem know that things cannot stay the same with your healing. Some tough conversations may be ahead. You will have to feel your feelings and that will be extremely uncomfortable at times. Your lifestyle might need to shift, and the bad habits you have justified will require examination. It can feel like a lot at first.

All that is required is that you take one small baby step a day to build enough trust in your internal system to begin a holistic, comprehensive healing sabbatical. During these two years, you will make your CPTSD Resolution a top three priority. On the Other Side, you can then make up for lost time.

After guiding clients for four years, here are three must-have CPTSD Resolution Components that I include in the healing containers. 

1. Unburdening. I learned about the trauma recovery modality of Internal Family Systems early in my own journey. I was fortunate enough to get into Level 1, Level 2, and Level 3 trainings all within a three year span before IFS Institute limited their enrollment to therapists, doctors, and social workers. The single most valuable thing I learned from IFS was how to perform an “Unburdening.” Now the way I have come to understand this work for CPTSD Resolution and how mainstream IFS talks about it are a bit different at this point, but essentially Unburdening is a process by which you alchemize and release Trauma Energies from Parts and Entities that you are “stewarding” in your Mind, Body, and Heart. Why Unburdening is so important, is that it is a “root cause” approach and offers a permanent resolution of the problem.

2. Aligning with your Sacred Blueprint. At birth we were given gifts and capacities that are unique and magnificent and are our codebook to the contributions we are intended to make for the Collective good. Trauma and conditioning obscure our access to knowing these gifts and capacities. To support this, In CPTSD Medicine, we currently use Human Design, the Gene Keys, and Shamanic Astrology to reveal a Sacred Blueprint which can inform so many aspects of living as a human. Specifically, it reveals insights about how to make decisions, where to clean up your relational field, how to earn squeaky-clean money, and which leadership attributes to develop more fully.

3. Amplifying Self Energy. In our Information Processing and Energy Centers we are able to generate energies that are associated with health and well-being. In IFS, these are called “Self Energy.” As a human raised in a trauma ecosystem with resulting CPTSD, we do not, at least at first, have good access to pure, potent Self Energy. Daily devotional practices to amplify Self Energy are required for Unburdening and Aligning with your Sacred Blueprint, but this practice also engenders a kind of positivity loop in the relational field. 

If you are structuring your own CPTSD Resolution journey, add these CPTSD Resolution Components into the mix or make these your primary focus. If you want support right this very moment, you can head over to The Medicine Shop for on-demand support for all of these right this very moment. 

One of the most overlooked consequences of untreated or unresolved CPTSD is the emergence of behaviors that can feel, or be perceived as, selfish. Addressing this directly is not about shame or blame—it is about understanding the deeper layers beneath it.

You are not selfish. You are not a bad person. But when your internal system is dominated by trauma energies, it often feels like you are trapped in self-focus. Why? Because unresolved trauma leaves “burdens” lodged in your internal system—wounds from unmet needs, unprocessed pain, and experiences of relational harm.

The Invisible Labor of Carrying Trauma

A burden forms when you reached out in distress, seeking connection, only to be met with rejection, humiliation, betrayal, or gaslighting. That experience leaves a mark. If that wound is not immediately met with full presence, unconditional support, and emotional repair, it solidifies energetically. This becomes the invisible labor of trauma—constantly managing pain beneath the surface, often without even realizing it.

When unaddressed, these burdens create Parts of you—or even Entities—that absorb and carry these wounds. They drain your energy, narrow your focus to survival, and leave little space for anything beyond your own immediate needs. This is not selfishness. This is self-preservation.

Self-Love: The Antidote to Self-Focus

The paradox is this: the more you practice genuine self-love, the less self-focused you become. Self-love is not self-indulgence. It is the radical act of meeting your own needs so that you are not unconsciously demanding others meet them for you.

• Amplify Compassion: Notice when you slip into harsh self-judgment. What if the “selfishness” you feel is just an unmet need asking for attention?
• Recognize the Price of Invisible Labor: The exhaustion you feel is not from doing “nothing.” It is from carrying burdens no one else can see.
• Shift from Survival to Leadership: Healing allows you to reclaim the energy spent on survival and redirect it toward connection, purpose, and contribution.

Seeing Beyond Yourself: The Call of the CycleBreaker

When you begin to heal, something remarkable happens: you can finally see beyond your own pain. You recognize that every human in your trauma ecosystem is also carrying burdens. This awareness does not excuse harmful behavior, but it fosters empathy without enabling.

• Honor your journey, but do not let it isolate you.
• Acknowledge your pain, but do not let it define you.
• Claim your healing, not just for you, but as a bridge for others.

The Leadership of Healing

Addressing selfishness in CPTSD is not about becoming “less self-centered.” It is about becoming more self-aware. When you lead yourself with love, you create space to lead others with compassion.

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Ready to Break the Cycle?

If you are tired of carrying invisible burdens and ready to reclaim your energy, your relationships, and your purpose—this is your moment.

Join me in the journey of CPTSD Resolution, where healing is not just personal. It is transformational. For you. For your family. For generations to come.

Start your healing sabbatical today. Learn more here.
Follow @cptsdmedicine for daily insights on breaking cycles and reclaiming your power.

When it comes to CPTSD Resolution, there is a transformative truth that often gets overlooked: You are your greatest ally.

For many childhood trauma survivors, this can feel foreign—maybe even untrue. But here is the reality: even if your past holds “evidence” that suggests you could not rely on yourself, you have the power to generate new evidence. Evidence that you are your own most vital source of support, advocacy, and empowerment.

Survival Mode Is Not a Mindset—It Is a Protective System

You are not broken. You are not self-sabotaging. Parts of you are running protective strategies that once kept you safe.

True healing does not come from fighting these Parts of you. It comes from unburdening the trauma energies they carry, creating space where fear used to live. When your body feels safe enough to live beyond survival, you step into a different kind of existence—one rooted in clarity, not constant threat assessment.

What Is Self-Allyship in CPTSD Healing?

Self-allyship means becoming the leader your internal system has been waiting for. It is not about “fixing” yourself—it is about standing beside yourself, especially when Parts of you feel lost, afraid, or overwhelmed.

It is not “you” working against yourself. It is Parts of you—wounded, protective, or burdened—that have been running the show. When you stop fighting these Parts and instead approach them with compassion, everything changes.

Practices to Cultivate Self-Allyship

1. Amplify Compassion Over Criticism
   Notice when critical voices take over, especially in moments of struggle. Instead of silencing them, soften them with curiosity: “What are you afraid will happen if you do not criticize me right now?” Acknowledge the courage it takes to be on this healing path.
2. Tune Into Your Internal World
   For years, Parts of you may have overridden natural cues to rest, seek support, or slow down. Ask yourself: “What would make me feel loved right now?” Then pause. Notice what comes up. Even observing your impulses is an act of reinstating your natural protective instincts.
3. Lean Into Hope (Even If It Feels Unfamiliar)
   You might not have a lot of evidence yet that you are a strong, wise leader of your internal system. That is okay. You do not need certainty to begin—you just need willingness. Hope is not about guarantees; it is about opening to the possibility of something different.
4. Cultivate Inner Authority
   Your wisdom has always been there, buried beneath survival strategies. Celebrate your breakthroughs, no matter how small. Reflect on what shifted within you to create that change. Self-allyship means honoring your growth without dismissing it as “not enough.”

The Trap of Internal Resistance

When you fight against yourself—resisting your emotions, shaming your patterns, or judging your struggles—you reinforce the very systems that kept you stuck. Resistance and sabotage are not “bad”—they are data. They reveal where unburdening is needed.

But here is the key: while they are instructive, they are not the leaders of your healing journey.

Self-Allyship: A Radical Act of Cycle Breaking

When you stop fighting yourself and start leading with compassion, you break the deepest cycles—the ones that live inside you. You reclaim your personal power not by “winning” against your Parts but by creating a relationship with them rooted in respect, patience, and love.

This is the essence of generational healing.

When you practice self-allyship, you do not just heal for yourself. You become the CycleBreaker who shifts what love, leadership, and safety look like for the generations that follow.

So today, ask yourself: “How can I stand beside myself, even in the hard moments?” Because you deserve more than survival. You deserve to live fully, freely, and with love at the center of your being.

When it comes to CPTSD Resolution, overcoming the victim mentality is not just a mindset shift—it is the gateway to aligned love, relationship clarity, and the foundation for becoming an Empowered HouseHolder. It is the first step in reclaiming your life, your relationships, and your legacy as a CycleBreaker.

If you are reading this and you have access to freedom of movement, the ability to earn and spend money, and physical safety, this applies to you:

Your Parts May Have Been Victimized, But You Are Not the Victim

Parts of you—those younger, wounded aspects—may have experienced harm. They carry the pain, the fear, the memories. But you, as the Self, are not defined by those experiences.
Every time you drop into the victim role, you unconsciously hand over your power. You delay the very thing you desire most: emotional healing, authentic connection, and a sense of inner peace that no one can take from you.

In all the clients I have supported through their self-love journeys, very few have had the closure of an apology from the people who caused them harm. Parents rarely take full accountability. Some siblings do. Occasionally, a partner does. But most often, that healing does not come from the outside.

The Trauma Ecosystem: Where Victim Energy Thrives

In a trauma ecosystem—families, workplaces, even relationships—everyone is swimming in unprocessed pain. People are running on trauma energies, cycling through roles like victim, rescuer, or persecutor without even realizing it.
You can stay in that loop, trapped in the same frequency of disempowerment.
Or you can choose differently.

The moment you entertain the idea that there is another way, even if you do not know what it looks like yet—that is your first transformative moment as a CycleBreaker.

Choosing Different Does Not Mean Choosing “Better”

Here’s a common pitfall: once you start breaking cycles, healing your trauma, and experiencing clarity, it is easy to slip into the belief that you are “better” than those who are still stuck.

But healing is not about superiority. It is about freedom.
Freedom from the need to compare. Freedom from the idea that worthiness is a ladder to climb.

Humility is the anchor that keeps you grounded as you rise.
Different does not equal better when it comes to human value. It simply means you have chosen to walk a path that others may not be ready to explore yet.

What Happens When You Let Go of the Victim Story?

You become a leader—not the loud, controlling kind, but the kind of leader who quietly influences by embodying their truth.

Leaders locate personal power.
They do not rely on circumstances to feel safe, loved, or worthy.
If your actions are only aligned “as long as” things go your way, that is circumstantial power. And that is fragile.

True power comes from within. It is unshakeable because it does not depend on anyone else’s behavior.

Unburdening Trauma Energies: The Key to Lasting Change

This is why I am so passionate about guiding people with unresolved CPTSD. Unburdening trauma energies is not just about healing old wounds—it is about reclaiming the energy those wounds have been draining from you.

When you stop running on hurt victim energy, you stop seeking external validation.

You stop chasing relationships to fill a void.

You start attracting aligned love, building emotionally safe homes, and becoming the person your younger self needed.

This Is the Work of Generational Healing

When you shift out of victim mentality, you do not just change your life.
You change your family’s future.
Your children, if you have them, will experience love that is not entangled with fear.
Your relationships will feel more authentic because they are rooted in clarity, not survival mode.

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Are You Ready to Break the Cycle?

You do not have to do it alone.
This is the year you finally step out of the patterns that have held you back.
This is the year you become the CycleBreaker your family never saw coming.

Explore how you can start your healing sabbatical with me here.
Or follow along on IG @cptsdmedicine for more insights on reclaiming your power, unburdening trauma, and creating a life rooted in aligned love.