CPTSD Medicine Resources is a learning library for professionals living with complex trauma ready to move from coping to resolution. Each article below answers a key question about healing and links to deeper trainings.
Break free from trauma-driven attraction patterns. Learn how CPTSD shapes your relationships and discover what healthy love can feel like.
I don’t actually believe this question is about attraction. I believe it’s about availability.
It’s not that The Universe is sending hurtful people your way or that you’re somehow a magnet for pain. It’s that when you begin getting to know someone, your internal compass for safety and stability may not be calibrated correctly yet. You might not be observing accurately what is happening in front of you. You may not notice some of the key signals that this person is running trauma energies, and therefore may not have the capacity to plan for the future, solve problems productively, or meet your needs in consistent ways.
In CPTSD Medicine, we never label anyone as bad or toxic. Humans running trauma energies aren’t evil. They’re sacred and dysregulated. It doesn’t excuse the impact of their actions, but it does give us compassion as to why they can’t simply “do better.” These humans haven’t yet learned how to operate from Self Energy. But that doesn’t mean you have to sign up for the suffering that inevitably follows when two trauma-led systems try to connect.
I often tell my students that what needs to be reinstated is their Red Flag Reader. It’s that internal mechanism that once knew how to discern, “This person is emotionally available” or “This situation is not safe for me.” When your Red Flag Reader is offline, you can confuse intensity for intimacy, care for control, attention for attunement.
The quicker you can get that Red Flag Reader working again, the faster you’ll avoid repeating cycles of heartbreak. This applies whether that’s with a partner, a friend, a boss, or even a family member.
That’s why I created the Red Flag Checklist, which you can access below for free.
Why do I keep attracting people who hurt me?
It helps you assess the health of the humans around you without judgment or shame. When you use it, you’re not diagnosing anyone; you’re gathering data on the energetic patterns running through your relationships. The more red flags you identify, the more relational healing will be required to make that connection function in a healthy way.
If you complete the checklist and realize that hurtful patterns are everywhere in your life, the next question to ask is not “What’s wrong with me?” but rather “Why?”
As professionals, we know that information matters, but not all information is created equal. The “why” questions invite you into real understanding, the kind that changes how you see yourself.
In this 11-minute excerpt from the CPTSD Medicine Starter Kit Lecture, I explain why you may continue finding yourself in relationships that hurt, even when you know better. You’ll hear what’s happening beneath the surface of attraction and how unresolved trauma energies distort your perception of what’s safe.
And once you’ve gathered that insight, sometimes the next step is wanting to understand your own unique situation more personally. That’s where the Red Flag Interpretation comes in. For $50, you can leave me up to three short voice notes (five minutes each) describing what’s happening in your relationship. I’ll record a personalized 10-minute video response offering my perspective on what’s healthy, what’s not, how trauma energies may be influencing both people, and what next steps you might explore.
This is not therapy. I offer relational education and leadership training. It’s about coming back into your power through the CPTSD Resolution.
By working with these three resources—the Checklist, the Lecture excerpt, and your personalized Interpretation—you begin to take ownership of your patterns in relationships. You no longer feel like a passive recipient of hurt; you become an attentive observer of what is happening within and around you. You begin leading yourself through the relational field with way more discernment.
Understand trauma bonds and nervous system addiction in love. Learn how to calm attachment panic and reclaim your peace after heartbreak.
When I hear this question, I recognize it as one of the most difficult parts of trying to be in relationships while living with unresolved CPTSD. Your mind, body, and heart truly believe that someone else has something you do not, and if you do not get it you will “die.” It may not be a literal death, since you know logically that cannot be true, but your nervous system is signaling an alarm. It reads the situation as life or death.
To understand why this happens, we have to talk about trauma bonds. A trauma bond describes a relationship in which both people are comfortable with attachment panic. One person may even be willing to sit with you through the panic and help you calm down, but neither of you fully understands its root cause. The bond cannot provide healing. It offers survival and, at times, soothing.
Most relationships that can support complex trauma resolution are uncomfortably honest and high accountability. In a trauma bond, the opposite dynamic is true. There are many distortions that go unchecked and very little accountability. In fact, healthy relating can short circuit a trauma bond because it breaks the unspoken contract that keeps dysfunction alive.
If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. That is why I created a three-part video series with guided activities to support the nervous-system panic that follows withdrawal, abandonment, or loss. The series was originally made for those who have been left, but it is equally helpful if you are experiencing ghosting, avoidance, or emotional distance. These teachings explain what is happening inside your body and how you can coach yourself through the discomfort while restoring internal safety.
How do I stop obsessing over someone who is not good for me?
Once you begin to understand what fuels the obsession, the next step is to re-establish your ability to regulate without depending on another person. This brings us to the concept of co-regulation.
Co-regulation means that another person, object, or element can serve as a steady bridge to remind you that you are safe. This kind of grounded energy exchange calms your nervous system. You might feel frustrated that life is testing your regulation so intensely right now, yet these very moments are the training ground where true emotional stability is built.
To help you practice this, I created the CPTSD Medicine Starter Kit ($20 + shipping) called the HouseHolder TouchStones. These cards offer five 5- to 10-minute regulation practices that do not require another human. If you notice that during your most dysregulated moments others step back, or you pull away from them, or you recognize that your available humans are trauma-bonded too, these TouchStones can help you reparent yourself. They draw on natural forms of regulatory support such as Elemental Medicine and somatic experiencing. The cards also introduce you to the foundational tools of CPTSD Medicine, Internal Family Systems Parts Work, Human Design, and the use of affirmations.
As you strengthen your regulation, you will notice another shift: your ability to stay centered even when relationships wobble. This brings us to the concept of Confidence Self Energy.
Every one of us has a center of Self that grounds us when emotions or relationships begin to swirl. It is the steady knowing that we have ourselves no matter what. This kind of confidence is not about being better than someone else or needing to feel special. It is the embodied sense that we are solid in who we are and trust our capacity to hold whatever comes.
Confidence is one of the eleven Self Energies that allow us to lead ourselves through heartbreak and into wholeness. For a deeper study of Confidence Self Energy, you can purchase the three-module Confidence Self Energy MasterClass ($100).
Through these resources—the Video Series, the Starter Kit, and the Confidence MasterClass—you begin to calm the part of you that believes another person is the source of your safety. You learn to locate that safety inside yourself, where it has always lived. This is where obsession ends and true discernment begins.
Learn how to tell if you’re in love or in a trauma loop, and how to trust yourself no matter what you decide.
COMING SOON
Should I stay or should I leave?
Explore how CPTSD fuels the “I Must Perform” trauma response. Build emotional safety from within through increasing Self Energy.
COMING SOON
Why do I feel anxious, needy, or too much in relationships?
Uncover the roots of people addiction. Reclaim your worth and stability by learning to source safety, belonging, and love from within.
COMING SOON
Why do I lose myself in relationships?
Understand how overachievement hides unhealed trauma. Heal the “I Must” response and create balance between success and intimacy.
COMING SOON
Why am I so successful at work but struggle in love?
Move beyond talk therapy and coping skills. Experience root-cause resolution where trauma energies release and Self Energy leads.
COMING SOON
What does real healing from CPTSD look like?
